Wednesday, June 25, 2008

in my mind.

so with this post, i am simply just writing. its almost like free hand drawing; your not obligated to stay in the lines of one outlines points or another.....

there is only so much one can bare. breakups are hard, confrontations are hard, but the mind having better judgement over the heart has to be thee most difficult of them all. this l a s t confrontation i am reffering to, scratched the corners of my heart. its not like "we" haven't argued, been upset, said things one should NOT say to one another before. but for some reason, it was different this time. the tounge is one of the few structures in the body that does not possess a bone. but oh, boy i wished it did. so that way, it could cramp up and stop those tainted phrases. it's never easy to say goodbye. but sometimes, it is for the better! like the saying goes, 'what is meant to be will be.'

i've been working out a lot these past few days. helps to clear my mind and trim the figure at the same time-always a nice duo. but while on these runs, i have noticed just how much i take the atmosphere around me for granted. i live in a beautiful community and near a beach;; i noticed for the first time today there are 2 sets of playground like bars near my home. remember as kids you'd practice all the different ways to spin on the bars? good old days. so while on my run, i stopped and twirled a few times around the bars one legged with my hands up. haha yes, i've still got it.

i've consumed my life with work. for what be sucessful in the long run, i guess. work hard to play even harder. i am almost 21yr old, so it is also time for me to live. not take life so seriously, time to p l a y. therefore, aug 15th will be the start of my 18day vacation. i'm extremely excited about being able to kick my feet up for a bit. this shall be fun.

i am a libra from head-to-toe. with that said, Astrology For The Soul by Jan Spiller almost got set on fire yestarday. i promise i was 5 seconds from puting a match to the book. it was saying how librans, do, but at the same time don't know how to love -_- and how their lover, in their eyes soon is seen in an enemy form. libra then becomes gaurded, feeling as though they are in a battle. super interesting. but i have to admit, i lowkey got pissed. how dare a book, well astrology for that matter, tell me i don't know how to love![ though i didn't complete the section, i could possibly be speaking too soon.]

i looked back on previous situations and the damn book thus far, was right....i soon looked at em' as my enemy. the first time someone slips up, i automatically think they're my "enemy". because of this, my whole attitude changes towards them and really, it's never the same. 'cause i'll keep them in the "guard your heart" file and won't take that guard down. making it hard for someone to explore me. then non sence remarks questioning weather phony or not, occur. so then i really guard myself after my sincerity is questioned-you became the enemy. you don't GET me. and by the time you could figure out how to "get" me, i'm so feed up, i have left you in the dust. left with a closed/ tainted heart, never looking back and struggle trying to open up to someone else. because now i feel like everyone of that "kind" i guess you can say, is against me-or will end up just like you. yet still, i am a believer. [don't get it twisted] i am smart enough to know there are more fish in the sea.

honestly, i'm over people. 'cause people just don't GET it. it's really a simple concept, 'treat people the way you'd like to be treated.' people are soo vendictive, rude, drama-filled and confusing. including myself! it's like, we don't even get why is it that i expect for us as humans to "get" one another!?! [so if one doesn't g e t themselves....they can't accept them true selves. right?] i feel as though i get myself, just wished others GOT me. maybe that's my libra need for approval talking. it's really not that hard. a few mentally stimulated conversations and you'll know exactly what i'm about. i dislike those whom ask around when all they need to do is come to the source. and if they can't grasp my drift, i shouldn't have to tone down to their standards of understanding. asking around does not give one the fair chance because anothers perception has already tainted the others original thoughts. in other words, we were already set up to fail!

in the end, i think about this, if everyone GOT everyone, there would be far too many people involoved in our lives. and maybe that's the objective: for those who don't fully get you, but accept your un-foundness, are those who hold a place in your life. those who are supose to be there. and potentially, they become a l l you need.

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