my bitter-sweet-symphony

So, in all actuality I'm not even paying attention to what I'm writting. I am simply writting, venting and everything that falls in between the two. I can't talk about it anymore. I'm all talked out, and it clearly takes a lot for me to get to that point. Being so use to talking about situations until I am blue in the face and all. Now, It seems that all I am able to do right is write.

I'm currently at this insane state of mind. It's a place where I can feel everything and nothing all at the same time. A place where everything is made from logic and clarity but has a foggy haze of confusion and questioning. Where love is thrown at you so quickly it can only be followed by pain. Where everything is perfect until it's not. Where smiles are chased by tears and crying is the post show to laughter. Where you long for yesterday and where tommorow is just another obligation. Somehow there's always a silver lining to places like this. There's that amazingly perfect poem that comes from an amazingly torturesome tale. Except this time it's not a tale--It's life. There used to be times in the past where I welcomed moments like these. I warmly invited them in, for the simple fact that I knew I was going to write a fierce poem with so much emotion and passion that it was all worth it. Not only that, I knew that after I wrote the poem, I would have gotten everything I needed from the situation. People use eachother for crazy things now-a-days. Money, sex, status, confidence....etc. Me? I just want that one poem from whatever situation brings it to me, that perfect poem, with idyllic enthusiasm, and hair raising metaphors. With imaginative, yet, realistic illusions that stick to your soul and a story that lives in your heart. I'm pretty sure it can come from this. I'm almost positive...but sometimes somethings are too painful to even re-visit. Or when re-visited, questioned-i am drained. My mind has been rotten and unsound, causing me to break down. Internally tainted. Twenty is such a arduous age! A diamond in the rough....